Seriously, I don't write to get reviews or attention. I'm trying to create the highest quality writing that it's possible for me to make. If I actually cared I would be writing yaoi in some ridiculous fandom or another. It's not like I'm adverse to it or anything. I could easily dumb down my writing and make it more mainstream. But do I? No. That's not my goal. Let's just make one thing clear: I write for myself. I write to improve my style, to polish everything. I most certainly do not write for the lowest common denominator. Even still, I can't help but to get extremely frustrated by stuff like this. It just makes me so angry and pissed off. Enough to delete everything I've every written and store it away so that no prying eyes will ever see it. Ever. Well, right now I don't feel like going to that extreme but I am seriously debating getting rid of my ff.net account now. I remember now why I hate that place as much as do.

The source of this is that I posted my fic up last night and I gotten three reviews. Two of them are the source of my frustration and it makes me more than ready to leave fandom and never look back less I want to turn into a pillar of salt. I mean, seriously. I could just stop writing fanfiction all together and just start belting out short stories and submitting them to contests. I mean, it's not difficult and I've won a few before. I mean, yeah, I know I have some faults in my writing. The two major things I probably lack are dialogue and plot. However, the latter is not so much a lack as much as I choose to pick other things over it. I'm far more interested in complexity of personalities, emotions, capturing the feeling of the second. However being told "yawnz nothing happuns...lol boring!" will obviously upset me to no end. If you have no understanding for subtle nuances than you have no freaking right to tell me that! I assume you have read everything that the fic has encompassed, to be compelled to leave a review and then have the only thing to tell me is for me to get someone else to write...what the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck?

I have a few choice words to you imbeciles and none of them are of my typical cheerful vocabulary. I owe you stupid fools nothing. Nothing. I mean, yes, I know my writing isn't as strong as it could be. I admit I suck. I will keep trying until I suck less. I however do not want to be told that my writing is "boring" and that "nothing happuns" (sic) if you don't even get what I'm trying to freaking portray or appreciate the hours I spend trying to weave the indescribable into the describable, trying to make everything coherent. It takes hours, I spend hours going over the same paragraph again and again, sentence after sentence so that...urgh.

I don't know what I should say or how I should justify my writing. I feel like Lily in Woolf's To the Lighthouse--all I can do is desperately hug the pitiful remnants of my vision and whisper "but this is what I see; this is what I see." This is how I perceive my environment. This is what I want to express. If you don't understand it then just leave me the fucking hell alone.