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15 January 2013 @ 07:05 am

Grandfather died, now sitting in front of an airport terminal. Last minute book trip to Taiwan. It still hasn't really hit me, him being dead.

I'm bummed I'm not flying through Tokyo Narita like I usually do. I want ramen. At least when I'm in Taiwan there should be a chance where I can sneak out to buy pudding.

I don't know if I made the right decision going to his funeral and running out of work during an important time. But I felt like I was going to regret it if I didn't go so...

I am worst manager ever. I need to be confident and focused. Rawr. Maybe all of this will help.

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13 September 2012 @ 09:27 pm
In the end, all it would amount to is the clang and clamor, the sound and the fury
Of things that will always signify nothing. (note to self, read that Faulkner novel)

Our adolescent past has already begun to dissolve and be distorted by memories which have cracked under the heavy burden of maturity and time.

- hands that do all
- the question of art
art of writing
art of painting
art of music
the martial art (?) / sports / dance - the art of movement
-Cubism, a shattered reflection of a single body on a single page shown in every dimension
the juvenile arrogance to pursue high art only as a means to express that juvenile arrogance
- Expressed, what is being expressed through each act and the way each expression continues to refer to each other (the signifying monkey?), constant repetition which meanings change through the context it is expressed with.
- Escapism with and through
- lives patterned through that repetition yet never the same--that youthful restlessness

This story is definitely going to be disjointed. A story that takes place in a single day, but contains the shattered fragments of the past.

Def use first person for intimacy, not sure if to combine with second person. Might do so, since 3 is the main character even though 4's narrating.
05 September 2012 @ 10:39 pm
I'm feeling restless again.

I bore so easily.

I don't understand though I suppose I do. I haven't found it yet. I don't have it yet. I haven't accomplished anything of worth.

Urgh. Focus, stupid. If I don't concentrate, I won't achieve anything. I can't lose sight of what I want to do.

Rargh, rargh, blargle rargh rargh.

I am a pineapple.
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
29 July 2012 @ 09:37 pm
One that just struck out to me as I was rereading some of my old psychology stuff. By William James:

"Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not."

It's an interesting concept--one I need to keep in mind as I keep writing MV and otherwise. As my current goal is pursuing what I've taken to call the embodiment of conscious, it'll be important to keep in account...

Ah, these three weeks flew so quickly by. I start work again tomorrow. Mana-ger Ma-NA-ger. I am a manage-r. WTF.
Tags: ,
23 July 2012 @ 01:03 pm
I have a week left before I start my new job. I wonder if I could possibly write the next chapter by then...hah. I crack myself up sometimes. And then the pieces all fall to the floor! Alas! King's men and horses, please come to my aid! I beg, beg of thee!

Title: Memento Vivere, chapter 11
Rating: PG-13-ish
Word Count: 8160
Time-line: post-OL defeat, episode 26
Summary: Rising up from the ashes of their demise, Shizuru and Natsuki attempt to salvage what's left of themselves. Along with the other HiME, they attempt to navigate their past traumas without succumbing to them. Of living one's life while remembering one's death.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Chapter 11Collapse )
Current Mood: hyperhyper
I love you Cleveland!

Today after work was so perfect! One of the best nights in a long, long while.

I bought like six pounds of Now & Laters from the candy warehouse and a pound of other candy.

And then, we went to dinner at the Lolitia on Literary Rd (which, sadly, had no used bookstore or otherwise would have the perfectest road ever). There I had the best duck I've ever had, five perfectly roasted asparagus stalks that cost a dollar a piece (and was totally worth it), a Lolita martini, and topped it all off with this amazing strawberry-guava sorbet. I even had beef bone marrow served with garlic bread!

Yes! Yes to it all!

Now, come at me world! Come at me MV11! I got seven pounds of candy and the best dinner ever in my stomach! Ahahahahaha!
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
16 April 2012 @ 11:40 pm
I fail at life and writing consistently. In my defense, a poop-ton of stuff has happened between uh...September 25th until now. 7 months is totally a reasonable amount of time to write 16 pages! I mean, when you account for the fact I lost three months to that stupid Digimon MMO, spent two months just obsessively writing and rewriting the first two and a half pages, and the fact that I'm working 45+ hours a week plus am taking classes...

Yeah. I fail at life and writing consistently. Also, this chapter was stupidly hard to keep consistent given the amount of stuff that happens and the fact it's a Shizuru chapter and only Kiyohime knows what really goes on in that head of hers. Blergh.

Also, FYI, I went back and edited all the previous chapters. The biggest changes are in 7-9, mostly 9 cuz I hacked off and rewrote the ending.

Title: Memento Vivere, chapter 10
Rating: PG-13-ish
Word Count: 8160
Time-line: post-OL defeat, episode 26
Summary: Rising up from the ashes of their demise, Shizuru and Natsuki attempt to salvage what's left of themselves. Along with the other HiME, they attempt to navigate their past traumas without succumbing to them. Of living one's life while remembering one's death.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

Chapter 10Collapse )
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: Lana Del Ray ~ Born to Die
12 April 2012 @ 11:57 pm

Wow. What a way to end the trip. Imma kinda wasted with five beers and like six shots. Shoulda asked for kiss with hawt bartender lady like the other girl.

Dkntadkmeabiut flight tomorrow cuz I dunno

Whe hehe Imma drunk! Yay!

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08 April 2012 @ 04:43 pm

Argh. Just made the flight at final boarding call.

Ran from Chicago B to F in half hour.

I have to take midterm tonight after all this crazy.

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14 March 2012 @ 01:21 am
So I finished a really rough playthrough of ME3 in the last, um...four days? Started Friday and finished today. I know I missed tons of stuff--but whatever. Once my class starts up for good my free time is pretty much going to be nonexistent. That plus I'll be traveling like crazy for work soon means fail. At least I can use my lunch hour for writing sometimes (stupid MV10, I hate you).

Anyway...yeah. That ending was stupid. But like, the ending didn't piss me off as much Thessia did because, wow...wtf? Like I can't even muster up righteous indignation towards the ending because Thessia got all my hate. But whatever, that's cuz I'm horribly biased towards the asari and seeing them continually shafted and having their entire race turned into the galaxy sluts with few little redeeming features besides a few really awesome characters really annoys me. Like...all the stuff they're suppose to be awesome at is only mentioned passingly in exposition--it's never really shown. Though those banshees, man, those banshees.

Anyway. There were some really, reaaaally nice moments in the game that I prefer to dwell as I got enough stupid stuff going on in real life and I'll take any nice moments I can get.

Femshep voicework was seriously impressively impressive in this game. The highlight of it actually, for me. Like she's pretty much an emotionless badass for ME1+2 and when you start to hear her voice just breaks in some of the cutscenes of 3 is just amazing. All that emotion, you can hear when the tough solider lady veneer breaks off into this indecisive human and my heart just quivered during those moments. It's quite beautiful, really. Hale really brought it in this game, all that subtle nuance. Like that's serious mastery of ones craft--maybe I'll be as good at her someday in mine.

But yeah, I'm tired. Despite its gaping flaws, ME3 was a really nice escape for what would otherwise be a horrible, horrible mid-week to mid-week.

Ah, I have to get up at 6am.

I frigging hate routine. I'm not a routine person. I need chaos in my life. This 9-to-5 that bleeds into the weekends is wrecking my pace. I'm working at least 45-50 hours a week in addition to at least 10-15 hours of homework in a subject that bores me to death and working with people who are double my age. But whatever, wark wark work.

I had a pineapple once. But then I ate it. Alas, my only friend. Once a pine who ate from the tree of knowledge and became the fruit of--